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CNN is reporting (via Textually.org) that a 15 year old Iowa girl, Kate Moore, has won the L.G. National Texting Championship held in NYC last week. The girl won $50,000 for overcoming such texting challenges as accurately texting such thumb-killing phrases as "Which wicked witch wished which more wicked witch in the well?" and "Zippity Dooo Dahh Zippity Ayy…MY oh MY, what a wonderful day! Plenty of sunshine Comin’ my way….Zippitty Do Dah Zippity Aay! Wonderful Feeling Wonderful day!" while being distracted by “Human Emoticons” trashtalking them or running obstacle courses.

LG has been using texting in much of their recent advertising, including putting a Text to Normal Speech translator “for parents” on their web site. They have been attempting to appeal to a younger demographic by painting TXT as the language of hip youngsters, while we old fuddy duddies still use lots of letters and other silly things in most words.

The girl, whose mother says gets phone bills stretching nearly 300 pages (unlimited data plans, the modern parent’s best friend) agreed to an interview after her victory with CNN…by SMS of course.

The interview (if you believe it wasn’t just a stunt cooked up by CNN and LG) went as follows…

CNN: OMG U r ltrlly the wrld’s bst txter. How does it feel?

Moore: It feels the best! Im so prd of myself & it feels aswm that ive gottn so far! :)

CNN: How mny txts do u snd a day? A month?

Moore: Uhhh about lyk 400-500 in a day, an avrg of 12014 thousand a month?

CNN: Wht r u going to do w the 50 k?

Moore: Idk yet! Prlly spend a good amount of the $$$……but ya gotta save some 2 b smart of course!

CNN: Do u ever get in trubl in skwl 4 txting 2 much?

Moore: haah just once or 2ce, teachers hv seen it and taken it away…lol that sux when that happens tho.

CNN: What’s ur crzst txting story?

Moore: Haha I actually have a scar on my hand from txtingg….i was txting on the top bunk and I sat up cuz it was a cool txt and then I hit it in the ceiling fan

CNN. Do ur thumbs hurt?

Moore: Hahah not at all! Ud b surprised they don’t get stressed out.

CNN: Kthxbi.

Moore: cya! :)

Be afraid….be VERY afraid.

Now if you’ll all excuse me, I have to go and bleach the parts of my mind that understood that.