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Daniel Lyons, the Newsweek tech columnist who always seems annoyed that when people list Apple journalistic sycophants, Mossberg and Pogue are mentioned and he gets ignored, continues to try harder then either of them. He published an article online today that will appear in Newsweek next week about the various rumors concerning the Apple Tablet and entitled it “The Hype is Right: Apple’s Tablet Will Reinvent Computing”.

C’mon, admit it, with a title like that do you even need to read the article?

Here is his lead in…

Apple is supposedly working on a tablet computer, and though it doesn’t even exist yet, it has already enjoyed more reviews than most products that actually do. Rumor has it that the “iTablet” (my name for it, not Apple’s) will be announced in January and released in June. Just as with the company’s iPhone a few years ago, blogs have been buzzing about the still-unveiled iTablet for months, featuring pictures of what the iTablet might look like, arguments over the features that the iTablet will have, leaks from partners that Apple has supposedly approached to develop content for the iTablet—you get the idea. It’s nuts.

After this relatively reasonable introduction he proves his point about Apple Tablet hype being nuts, by going nuts.

…REALLY nuts…

He goes on to make clear that he knows nothing really about this still non-existent device (or about Tablets as a whole except that they are flat, have touchscreens and are constantly connected to the internet) save the rumors we have all heard, and really doesn’t see a need to actually talk about them beyond stating that the Apple Tablet will be a sort of holy epiphany for the world. What he REALLY wants to discuss are his fantasies about what the Apple Tablet could be (he does sort of devolve into referring to Tablet Computers in general, but doesn’t seem to feel any will exist beyond the Apple version just as in his Cupertino-flavored world all phones are iPhones). The Apple Tablet of his fantasy, like magical unicorns and everlasting gobstoppers, change the world as far he is concerned and bring us forward into the Fourth Age and the Days of the King.

Here is my favorite paragraoh….

I have no idea what the “new news” will look like, but I know it will arrive. Look at how people have turned their creativity loose on the iPhone. In just 16 months, thousands of developers have created 85,000 applications for that device. The same will happen with tablets. These powerful devices with constant Internet access will enable us (and force us) to rethink media. What is a newspaper? What is a book? What is a movie? What is entertainment? Somewhere out there, the Orson Welles of the digital age is in grade school, or maybe high school. Soon he or she will be inventing a new language for telling stories. I can’t wait to see what it looks like.

What is entertainment, huh? How about What is art? What is love? what is a corned beef on rye? I am as excited about upcoming table computer rumors as the next guy, seriously, even the potential Apple one…but Daniel Lyons needs to put the Koolaid jug down and get a grip on himself.

Though he was absolutely on target about one thing….

It’s nuts.