Should know that I expect a full and frank apology on the front page of whatever local rag it is that you read Fangy.
We have the Edinburgh Evening News here to wipe our behinds with. However since they started using recycled paper I have noticed a marked increase in haemorrhoidal activity so I guess I'll maybe have to start thinking about going round the public toilets and acquiring some of that nice shiny stuff I've heard so much about.