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Activesync is such a piece of #$%^ that I have given up on syncing my Axim and also on using the Axim infra red. I have all of the same problems you have and so do many others. I know it is a fault in activesync.
I was able to sync with my work laptop using the infra red under window 2002 but not ever under windows 2003. When I place my Axim near the laptop the laptop pops open the icon that informs me it can see a wireless device. I can then use this utility to transfer data back and forth from the Axim. Yet when I start activesync, should be called inactivesync, it never tries to connect with the IR port even though it says it is available. And when I use the USB cable I get the guest user need new partnership problem. So to keep from getting so worked up that I get a heart attack I just have accepted that activesync doesn't. I am sure the folks at Dell know all about this but they probably are not willing to invest in correcting a Microsoft error or maybe are technically unable to do so. As for M$ I doubt they care if it works or not. After all they could have debugged it before they sold it and they already got their money.
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