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Connect an electric relay to the speaker on your alarm and wire this to a taser that is taped to you. - If that doesn't work then I'm out off suggestions.
Seriously though - use your mobile phone - its bound to have an alarm function - you're brain recognises it as something that requires answering!
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Avast ya scurver wretch's . I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.
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