Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
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Four guys are out on the golf course early one Saturday morning, as they are walking down the first fairway Golfer1 says "I had to do the washing-up after dinner last night so I could play golf this morning".
Golfer3 the says "That's nothing! I had to make dinner and do the washing-up so that I could play golf this morning".
Golfer 2 then says "Well I had to give my wife $300 to go shopping so that I could play golf this morning".
As they finish the hole they all look at Golfer4 and see his just smiling.
So they say to him "What are you smiling about? what did you have to do to play golf this morning?"
Golfer4 replies "Nothing".
They are all amazed.
Golfer4 continues "When the alarm went off at 5am this morning I just rolled over and said to my wife 'golf course or intercourse', and she replied
'I'll get your jumper' ".
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.
7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be superb.
10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.
14. There would be an "Engine Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.
15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.
16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!
17. If you still ran old versions of car (i.e. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!
18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.
19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.
20. You would need to by an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.
Went to lunch with a friend today to a new chicken place. We asked how they prepare their chickens.
The answer was, "We just tell them they're going to die."
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Thanks... But as they say with jokes... It's the way you tell them....
An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The IT guy said, "I like both."
The artist said "BOTH?" The IT guy replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
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orange ya glad to see me!
(that has got to be in the running for the worst joke!)
:yeah: Congratulations.. for that effort you win a prize. It's Sure to delight any wildlife enthusiast and Elvis impersonator - a stylish pair of Blue Suede Shrews.:yeah:
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What did Britney say to Pentium 4?
I am 2^32 times more precise than you.
Have you heard that a standard distribution of Fear Factor has three subbenchmarks?
They are "high memory usage test", "texture memory bandwidth test", and "GPU core speed test".
What more? Debugging DIMMs with usage meters show lots of main memory traffic (swapping between video RAM and system RAM) in the first test, the lowest FPSes usually occur in the second test, and the GPU runs the hottest in the third test. Oh, and it sure takes a lot of memory bandwidth to render Emmy covered in lard. Enough bandwidth to make the video RAM run very hot.
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TCPA would take your freedom! Say NO! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
HDTV the way it should be: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Originally Posted by A friend of mine who has a Linux kernel named after his girlfriend.
If I was VirtualBox, I could load my virtualization module into Hannah and boot up another kernel in the same address space.
"You had me... You lost me... You here, messing with my mind."
Well, I'll explain. The first test has lots of Contestant objects, which means lots of memory usage. The second test has a lot of textures, which means a lot of memory bandwidth usage (and hence, the video RAM running hot). The third test has the fewest Contestant objects and usually not much complex textures, so the GPU itself should be the bottleneck.
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TCPA would take your freedom! Say NO! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
HDTV the way it should be: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Originally Posted by A friend of mine who has a Linux kernel named after his girlfriend.
If I was VirtualBox, I could load my virtualization module into Hannah and boot up another kernel in the same address space.
"You had me... You lost me... You here, messing with my mind."
Well, I'll explain. The first test has lots of Contestant objects, which means lots of memory usage. The second test has a lot of textures, which means a lot of memory bandwidth usage (and hence, the video RAM running hot). The third test has the fewest Contestant objects and usually not much complex textures, so the GPU itself should be the bottleneck.
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