psionandy

What do you call an exploding Monkey?

a Ba-Boom!

__________________
You'd have thought that someone would have put a sig here
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

wdement

Where did the one-legged waitress get a job?

IHOP

Rsaturn9

I spilled some coffee.

My wife called it grounds for divorce.

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Box

Originally Posted by wdement

Where did the one-legged waitress get a job? IHOP

What do you call a woman with one leg?


Eileen

__________________

John_Vincent

Whats the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are over a dollar,
Deer Nuts are under a buck!

Kool Breeze

Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.



The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."



The second responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."



The third surgeon says: "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."



The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."



But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:



"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine. Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable."

Frenchy

1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea ... I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you in I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a
lighswitch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went
inta this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

and.... the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts
> tighten up.

__________________
.

Frenchy

Rsaturn9

What's red and smells like blue paint?


Red paint.

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Box

I just can't think who this reminds me of.


A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are washed up and I am taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot of the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Damn it... third gay rooster I bought this month. "

Remember the quote: Age, experience and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition. -- author unknown

StanleyR1

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him.

__________________
Rick <---This is me

I've decided not to engage in pig wrestling any more. Although I might poke a stick in the pen every once in a while just for fun. :stickpoke

My new favorite quote (attrributed to Mark Twain, although i haven't been able to confirm the attribution or the wording):

"Those who don't read the newspaper are uninformed.
Those who do read the newspaper are missinformed."

psionandy

My dog has no neck,...

How does he look?

Like Gail Platt


I make no apologies if you don't get it... I refuse to change my material just to appease an international audience

__________________
You'd have thought that someone would have put a sig here
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

rogue9

What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast?

Surreal

*****************************

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doctor," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

*****************************
How does it change many dyslexics to take a light bulb?

*****************************
Two blondes walked into a bar. You'd think the second would've seen it.

*****************************
A guy to another.
-I don't know what is wrong, I am seeing large red flashing dots every nights.
-Have you seen a doctor?
-No! Just large red flashing dots.

Box

How many Surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fish

rogue9

Man goes into Docs and says

"Doc, I think I'm a pair of curtains"

Doc says "Pull yourself together"

rogue9

Two kids were talking about their father's jobs.

First Kid : "My dad is a doctor."
Second kid : "My dad is a lawyer."
First kid : "Honest?"
Second kid : "No, just regular."