A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew the doctor's habit and would always have a drink waiting. But one day the bartender ran out of hazelnut extract, so he substituted hickory nuts. When the doctor arrived, he took a sip and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry," the bartender replied. "It's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
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Well, there was this lady who pulled in to the gas station and while she was filling up, she reached into her purse and got a smoke and a lighter. She finished filling up her car and pulled the nozzle out of the filler neck and spilled some on her coat sleeve. Lucky she didn't light up yet. Anyway, she goes into the station. Pays for her gas, and comes back out. Just before she gets into her car, she lights up the cigarette, and her coat sleeve catches fire. So, she's running around waving her arm, trying to put out this fire. In the meantime, A cop sees what's happening and pulls into the station. He gets out of his car and shoots her dead!
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."
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