King of the Castle Law

stevenator65 · 09-24-06, 11:39 AM

This weekend my wife and I cowrote this law and wish to share it with all couples. Simply stated it goes like this:

I am the King of my castle. No parent or In-Law can insult me or give me unsolicited advice in my castle.

Negotion and Fighting Brings About Law
This law came about after hours of intense fighting/negotiation. As many of you know, this weekend we celebrated Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. So my wife and I had many people over at our house on Friday night, including her mom and her step father. Though they are well meaning and overall good people, I can't stand them and their "advice".

We're a Nice Family
We live in a nice middle class home in a nice middle class neigborhood. Our kids are intelligent and well behaved. They do their homework, have friends and are very nice, typical kids. My entire point is that any parent would be proud of our family. I'm 41 and I certainly don't want to sound cocky, but we have no scandals. We're just a nice, middle class family. I'm going to go one step further. I'm very proud of my family. Ten years ago I had nothing, now I have a great family, and though we are far from wealthy, my wife and I have built a little equity and saved a couple bucks for the kids to go to college. We have a great marriage and together we have built a wonderful family.

Incidents and Accidents
So what led to the creation of this new law? On Friday night 3 different incidents occurred. These incidents always happen and are typical of my dear, sweet mom in law. Let's examine:

1. She only drinks only decaf so I made some for her. She doesn't remember, but she brought it a few weeks ago. It was from Starbucks. I never drink decaf. Anyway, she takes a sip and says, "this is very strong. You have a very expensive coffee maker. You need to clean it. Fill your carafe with vinegar and let it run through and that will clean out the inside of your coffee maker."

What? Am I a freakin' slob? It was your coffee!

2. When I was in college I had an earring. A couple weeks ago I decided it was time to repierce my ear. I have a small diamond stud and it doesn't stand out very much. I'm not making any statement whatsoever. Everyone who knows me and sees it says the same thing, "Steve, you got an earring!" Then they move on. Nobody really cares. Except mom in law. On Friday night she made her 8th comment, "Steve, I read an article in the Wall Street Journal about businessmen who wear earrings, and it wasn't very favorable."

She belongs to an exclusive country club where appearance is EVERYTHING. She obviously doesn't like my earring. The only two people I will remove for, no questions asked, are my boss, who is one of the greatest people I know, or my wife. Anywho, if you try to find that article in the Journal, you won't. She made it up. So what is an appropriate response for a son-in-law to a bullshi**ing mom-in-law who is getting on his nerves?

I can respond in 3 ways:
a) Show me the article you lying HO
b) You are right, I'll remove it now
c) I see. Thanks for apprising me of the article.

I chose C b/c I didn't want to get into it with her in my own home. But I couldn't care less if she likes it or not. I don't care what anyone thinks except my boss, my wife and me. But when she lies to me it angers me.

3. My wife, tiny as she is, also is in supreme fighting shape and said she'd put away the folding table and chairs if I entertain everyone. I said fine. I turned around and walked 10 feet and there is my wife's sister Sue talking to her mom. Oh *hit. Mom-in-law looks at my wife putting the table away, then looks at me with a look of utter disgust and says, "go help your wife, otherwise I will." As if I'm a deadbeat, scumbag husband. Ok, you want to play it that way, fine! So without missing a beat, I respond, "No! I gave her three minutes to clean all that up, otherwise she'll get in trouble. And she's only got two minutes twenty seconds. Cheri, you better speed it up!" Both Sue and I laughed and mom-in-law walked away.

The Law
Those were the three incidents. Stuff like that happens all the time. If I were 9 years old I'd let it slide. Cheri, my wife, doesn't want me to fight with her mom, and neither do I. But if the woman has no respect for me and I have a sit down with her and tell her I don't like how she treats me then I know I'm going to get pissed off at her or I'm going to get in a long discussion with her and I'll have to say stuff like, "I love you and respect you but..." and frankly, I just want her to shut the hell up in my house!

So Cheri and I came up with our Law. Together, we will sit down with her mom, and Cheri will do all the talking and say the law and I will bite my tongue, b/c if I don't, I will be the first human on earth to spew venom like a snake.

AKAJohnDoe · 09-24-06, 11:46 AM

My response in these sort of situations is "You might be right", and then changing the subject. Have you heard of Amy's Answering Machine?

09-24-06, 12:35 PM

Did you check to make sure she isn't a member here? Could be ackward.
Otherwise would your wife mind if you beat the crap out of her Mother with a baseball bat?
Seriously though it is a fairly common problem and comes about because you (or anyone else for that matter) are not good enough for her daughter. The easiest way to resolve it is to woo the Mother and show her that you are the the best Husband and Son in Law around. Otherwise you could do as I did and move to the other side of the world.

rooslix · 09-24-06, 01:14 PM

I can definitely sympathize. Your situation reminds me of my parents and how they treat my wife and I. For example, they spent the whole time at my brother's wedding talkin about how bad my suitcoat looked and how much I needed a new suitcoat.

09-24-06, 01:57 PM

Steve,
Although I am not married, We do have problems like this in my parents family. Especially my dads sister she is my "aunt". She is a nice lady but she is what we call the "Douchess". Everything goes HER way. She is a first grade teacher and is always complaining! She only treats people nice if they have money. Still, we are family and we do get along most of the time. What we do: We rarely see her, only on christmas eve and maybe one other occasion in the year. That solves the problem indeed...

My advice:

1: Get her sturbucks coffe for christmas

. Im not sure if you celebrate that holliday since you are celebrating a Jewish new year. In this case do that for her birthday.
2: Simple dont wear the earring when she is around,
3: Simple make this agreement before her parents come.

Does she come from the rich side? That may explain it.
Dang! Couldn't find a suitable rush quote!

Hope it helps,
Justin

09-24-06, 02:31 PM

Nice post. That reminds me that:
-- Holidays with family are often stressful - families are great, but there's almost always something just under the surface that's annoying
-- I'm hugely fortunate on the in-laws front - I enjoy my father-in-law and mother-in-law immensely - they're funny and laid back and excellent company
-- But ... just to go back to the first point, my family are usually difficult and have to get in a certain amount of sniping and prodding of my wife or I during any gathering that goes beyond one hour

Anyway - good luck with your situation Stevenator - hope that The Law works well and the venom doesn't have to come out ...

benots4 · 09-24-06, 02:43 PM

Stress is relative. That is why I stay away from relatives.

dgoldring · 09-24-06, 03:27 PM

LOL. I think we all hear you Steve. I am lucky in that I have a great relationship with my monther-in-law and my wife''s family. Of course, my mother in law is known for what we call 2x4's. She is not shy about letting you know her feelings. :)

When my wife was pregnant with our first son, I saw a book called something like the rules for new fathers. One of the things it talked about was all of the people who would come to see the new baby, just chalk full of advice any suggestions, many of whom had not seen a baby in 30 years. :) So, it offered these solutions:

1. Disagree, point out the medical advice and start a huge fight that would cause a rift in the family
2. Nod your head, smile and go the Best Buy (or some similar place) because the family will leave soon and then you can do whatever the heck you want. :)

I'm not saying this applies to your situtuation, just reminded me of that story. :)

Doug