1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the OTHER one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
__________________ Motivation. If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots wil be doing soon.
__________________ Motivation. If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots wil be doing soon.
I needed something to combat the eve before adam debacle..
__________________ Motivation. If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots wil be doing soon.
__________________ Motivation. If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots wil be doing soon.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sorry, I'll leave it in the down position.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Sorry, I'll let you read the paper first.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Do you want me to watch the kids while you shop? Or just make me a list and I'll shop. Yes, I know the Bears are playing the Jets, but I'll do it for you anyway.
1. Crying is blackmail.
I'm sorry I made you cry.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
I should've known what you wanted! What was I thinking! Perhaps I should've called all your friends and asked them. I'm such a dumbass. Don't worry, I'll get that second mortgage, and get you your gift.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
I know I need to be a better listener. I should watch more of your TV shows so I can better understand how to be sensitive. My bad.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
I use Illium's Listpro now, honey, so I can keep better notes. Anything you said, even 6 months ago, is now fair game.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
I got my own subscription to Soap Opera Digest so that we can share more experiences together. I love you so much.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
Have you been working out?
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the OTHER one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
I just got Tivo, so I can pause it and listen to whatever you have to say.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
I just got Tomtom navigation for my pocket pc. We can visit your mom anytime!
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
Do you feel like talking? I'll go make the Special Moments Hot Chocolate, and we can share "a moment" together. These special times together really bring us closer. I really love you.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Ask me anthing, I'll be there to comfort you, I'll be there to hold you, just call my name, and I'll be there.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
you always look great.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
I decided to stop playing golf, and have devoted more time to soap operas and to child development books, so that we can spend more time together as a couple and a family. I love you so much.
1. You have enough clothes.
Look honey, I drove by Bloomingdales and bought you this outfit. Isn't it to die for!
1. You have too many shoes.
Girlfriend, I was at the mall and saw these shoes, and I was like, girl, you gotta have these, so I bought them for you!
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
I've been working on my core and eating right so that we can have a long, healthy life together. I love you.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Honey, I've been planning a family trip together to Disney World. I love you!
Pebu, that was an absolutely brilliant list! However, after 14 years of marriage, some modifications are necessary. I made them in red:approve:
Steve-O, you need to watch The Man Show over and over. But don't tell your wife.
__________________
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Guy rules...
