This past week was a tough one, especially for my wife.
Six months ago we found out her sister Donna (49 years old with two daughters ages 20 & 15) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given around six months to live. Over the following several months, Donna seeked treatment in the U.S. with traditional treatment, and went to Tijuana for treatments not approved by the FDA. In December, we went down to FL to visit her and see a surprise wedding of our neice who wanted her mother to see her get married just in case her mother was to die. It was a bittersweet trip. But, Donna still looked OK. With treatment going on, there was always some ray of hope even though we knew that for the most part, pancratic cancer has no cure.
My wife went to FL again in Feb to visit, and she said Donna looked a little more tired, but she was still getting around.
My wife and I just got back from FL as we visited Donna again. It's amazing what changes can occur in a short period of time. For the most part, Donna acts like a 90 year old. She gets out of bed at 10, sits in a chair until 2 o'clock nap time, gets back up at 5:30 for dinner, and back to bed by 8:30. She looked frail, and when we left FL on Friday, my wife and I agreed she did not look well. But, she was still receiving treatment, and even though we really know she is dying, there was still that ray of hope that some treatment would work.
This Saturday Donna fell (due to an electrolyte problem). She went to the hospital and fell again. They ran tests on her. The word came out Saturday night that the medical world was pulling the plug on her treatment, and there was nothing else they could do as the cancer had just spread too much. They gave her two months to live, IF she decides not to give up. So she will go home, and take pain pills and deteriorate.
Although my wife and I knew six months ago she would probably succomb to the cancer, hearing an "official" word makes it tough. It's hard for me to watch my wife thinking and crying about her sister. It's hard to see my in-laws living with the fact they they will be outliving one of their daughters.
Death sucks but is inevitable. When it's time, it's time, but it's still difficult to deal with. I can see where some people say dealing with an instantaneous death of a person close to you is "easier" to deal with because it's so sudden as opposed to living with an impending death for a length of time.
This is the first time my wife and I have dealt with the death (impending) of a close family member where it is painful. We've had grandparents die, but in all cases they lived into their 80's and beyond, so it was expected and not as painful. To "wait" for somebody to die is hard, and especially when it's "before their time" (my wife and I know this saying is aged based only, for at any time anybody can become sick and die).
My Father was noticably crushed when he lost a brother and a sister in similar .circumstances a few years ago.
Your family will be in our prayers during this incredibly difficult time
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My father-in-law died of similar circumstances (a few years ago). It was a very difficult time for the whole family.
All I can say is enjoy what time you have with your sister-in-law, you will treasure it later.
Doug
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I feel for you my friend, have just been through a serious scare with my wife (all looks OK now) and currently my brother in Australia is having surgery and radiation for a serious secondary cancer.
Fortunately as a species we are resilient. Small consolation I know.
I am actually experiencing this second hand as well. I say second hand because it's my grandma who is dying of cancer, but I can assure you that God loves you, and God will help you through this. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope Donna will get better. I wish I could do something, for I know at times like this we feel helpless, but the Lord is next to you all the way.
This is what made this weekend so difficult. Even though in the back of our minds we knew the chances of surviving pancreatic cancer were low, as long as Donna was receiving treatment somewhere in the deep recesses of the mind there was a shred of hope that some treatment could provide her a miraculous turnaround.
Now, hearing from the doctors that there is no hope of Donna getting better, I can see what this news has done to my wife, Donna's other sisters, and Donna's parents. This news from the doctor stripped away that one shred of hope from each of them, and now all anybody can do is just wait until it ends. It's what makes this so painful. My wife said she now doesn't have any idea what to say to her sister anymore.
My wife and I both went through similar experiences with our fathers, though neither was cancer. Will never forget getting the word there's nothing left they can do...
You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
This reminds me to always make sure that the important things to loved ones and friends do not go unsaid...
I too feel your pain, hopelessness but can only lift her, her children, your wife, family, and you in prayers. My sister died from this Big C; still miss her. Continue to treasure her every moment with her in anyway you can. Time does not heal; only God can. I am a pastor and our church will definitely be lifting you all up in this extremely trying time. God Bless You!!!l
We had help from Hospice, and their people reminded us, quite directly but very lovingly, that we should use the time we had left because it was all we would get. So we talked, reminisced, sang, went through old photos, and shared how much we loved each other. Even as the conversations were increasingly one way, it made a difference.
I wish I could offer advice that would ease your situation. My Dad had a brother that lived close by. Their son's lived out of state, so for the last 10 years, my Uncle and Aunt came to every family function that we had. We were all close. This spring my Uncle passed away from 'C'.
You are in my in my thoughts and prayers through this trying time.
Best wishes for you and your family. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours.
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