Jogga

More from the Borowitz Report

Quote:

China’s Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content Phelps Warned Not to Lick Medals China's impressive haul of gold medals at the Beijing Olympics was tarnished somewhat today when it was revealed that "abnormally high levels of lead" were found in the first-place medallions. The medals, which were supposed to be made entirely of gold, were instead found to be composed of 99% lead alloy and coated with a gold-colored lead-based paint. The shocking revelations roiled the Olympic complex today and sent officials looking for answers from the Chinese manufacturer of the medals, the Wuhan One Hundred Percent Gold Medal Corporation. "We are trying to determine how exactly so much lead got into those gold medals," said a spokesman for Wuhan, China's largest exporter of gold medals. "Until we do, we are urging all first-place athletes not to lick, taste or suck on their medals." The news about the potentially toxic gold medals spread panic among Olympic champions, especially U.S. swimming phenom Michael Phelps. "I am very, very concerned about my extensive contact with gold medals," Mr. Phelps told reporters. "But what am I supposed to do? Stop being so awesome?" In other Olympic news, China's hopes for winning more medals in women's gymnastics were dashed when one of their leading gymnasts vanished down a bathtub drain on Tuesday. Immediately after Jiang Qimin's disappearance, Beijing authorities launched a search for the acclaimed seven-pound athlete. Jiang had been the subject of speculation earlier this week as many foreign observers doubted China's claims that the two-foot-tall gymnast was sixteen years old. In an interview with NBC's Bob Costas on Monday, Jiang sparked controversy with this response to a question about her age: "I want my sippy cup."

RobTheHillbill

Almost had me believing it till the part about the gymnast.The repot I read said she weights 10 lbs.

spud42

Phelps supposed reply did it for me... i know athletes are up themselves a bit but gees.....

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spunker88

The lead part sounded totally true, but the gymnast thing was too weird for me.

Speaking of current events, i wonder how many people confuse Georgia that Russia is invading with Georgia the state. I know that sounds stupid, but im willing to bet there are people out there that dont know the difference.

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breley

In the "true but odd" line of news, a 70-year-old man put down $8,000 in coins for a truck, and the news from where I live (it was not Cincinnati but in fact a town north of it) made it to the BBC.
The fellow apparently didn't trust banks.:headscrat

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