again, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers .
well its been a very busy couple of weeks. we have a house for her and the kids because she doesn't want to stay here in this house. fortunately i dont have to sell it either...
so we get the keys tomorrow , start cleaning it up and then moving the stuff over. i had hoped it wouldn't actually come to this as we have been getting along quite well recently. but i think we both need this time apart. If God wills she will be back if not then i still get to see her and the kids regularly.
The first few days after she has gone i am not looking forward to.. any way enough gloom from me guys and gals. i think i will soon be able to be back regularly again next week or so. looking forward to a chat with you all again... life's a bit lonely without the water fountain....
__________________
... here are a few of my favorite things.... Hx4700 WM6.1 , AcerAspire One A150 , Canon 30D DSLR . . . .new GF not necessarily in this order.....
again, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers .
well its been a very busy couple of weeks. we have a house for her and the kids because she doesn't want to stay here in this house. fortunately i dont have to sell it either...
so we get the keys tomorrow , start cleaning it up and then moving the stuff over. i had hoped it wouldn't actually come to this as we have been getting along quite well recently. but i think we both need this time apart. If God wills she will be back if not then i still get to see her and the kids regularly.
The first few days after she has gone i am not looking forward to.. any way enough gloom from me guys and gals. i think i will soon be able to be back regularly again next week or so. looking forward to a chat with you all again... life's a bit lonely without the water fountain....
seems things are moving on as well as can be expected, you'll never be alone mate, think about what's best for you, and the kids, prayers always. My best to you
My wife and I were separated for 2 years and just recently decided to reconcile. It has been a nervous time, but we are really trying to work it out.
All I can suggest is that regardless of how you might otherwise feel, always stay friendly with her. If she asks for help and it isn't inappropriate or out of line, do your best.
Remember that you are still family, even if your aren't married. You will never be done from each other as there will always be children's birthdays and graduations and holidays... if you both try to exclude the other from these events, then each of you lose half of the time and your kids lose ALL OF THE TIME.
Make sure that you discuss this and point that out...
I have seen too many break ups turn into hatred of each other.. with the kids bearing the brunt of it.
NEVER put the kids in the position of taking sides
Never provide details to the kids beyond, "Mommy and I tried to work it out, but we just fell out of love with EACH OTHER" (Both of you, not her fault, not your fault). "We still care for each other, and we will still be mommy and daddy to you, but just separately"
I have seen parents vent to the kids (older ones) and what happens is that if one child believes your story, then they lose respect for their mom... if they do not, then they lose respect for you for bashing mom. NEVER be negative about the other spouse.
if possible and reasonable and considerate of the other, try to have the occasional "family outing or event"... include your GF or her BF... Yes it will be difficult for each of you, but the kids will respect that you each can get along and then be more sccepting of each of your new "arrangements"...
If things go to divorce, ALWAYS try to be reasonable and fair... assuming the other wants to be reasonable and fair... REGARDLESS of the WHY. Lawyers are the most evil beings in creation, avoid them if possible and aim for FAIR outcomes. It only can work if you can both be fair and reasonable with each other.
Please do not try and make a bad situation worse... I know too many people that do that... like poking a sore tooth.
__________________
Quote:
"Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." -- John Quincy Adams
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again, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers .
well its been a very busy couple of weeks. we have a house for her and the kids because she doesn't want to stay here in this house. fortunately i dont have to sell it either...
so we get the keys tomorrow , start cleaning it up and then moving the stuff over. i had hoped it wouldn't actually come to this as we have been getting along quite well recently. but i think we both need this time apart. If God wills she will be back if not then i still get to see her and the kids regularly.
The first few days after she has gone i am not looking forward to.. any way enough gloom from me guys and gals. i think i will soon be able to be back regularly again next week or so. looking forward to a chat with you all again... life's a bit lonely without the water fountain....
the first month was pretty rough... learning to be a bachelor again... being pretty bitter about the situation.
Find a support group of a few other guys getting divorced... My group of friends within 1 year, all were divorced, divorcing, separated and 1 widower... there HAS to be something in the water out here...
__________________
Quote:
"Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." -- John Quincy Adams
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yes. thanks Radimus. You are quite right as well. we cant let the kids be caught in the middle. its not their fault so why should the feel they need to choose sides? there are no sides so far , i am helping with the move. cleaning up the house and garden. i bought her a new mower as she didnt want my old 2 stroke victa.... pedah will know what i mean..lol
be friends is great advice and as you showed it may take 2 years before she comes back.. or it might never happen. only time will tell. i have to make my kids comfortable where ever they live. she has already hinted that she might be back one day which is a big admission from her but it wont happen before at least 6 months...
my isp gives me a "free"blog spot so i thought i would use it..
__________________
... here are a few of my favorite things.... Hx4700 WM6.1 , AcerAspire One A150 , Canon 30D DSLR . . . .new GF not necessarily in this order.....
The 9 year old is a clone of the mother, the 6 is a daddy's girl and the 4 is just a smiling bundle of giggles.
The 9 year old is very resentful of dad and the 6 is the same way toward her mother.. Both parents have been trying to keep things tolerable between them, but the divorce is turning bitter and the kids can feel the resentment.
Kids also internalize distress (or whatever the term is called) they tend to assume the blame for things... It is their fault for the divorce, etc. Very similar to Bruce Wayne feeling it was his fault for his parents getting shot. Which is actually very funny, since they seldom take responsibility for the things that they SHOULD.
My boys were 6 and 3 when I separated, but we made sure that we spent 50/50 time with the boys, that each had dinner occasionally at each other's homes, we went over school work, we did parent/teacher stuff together. Whenever one of us would discipline the boys for whatever, we'd call the other with the boys in the room and inform each other that the boys were good/bad and what they'd get as reward/punishment as to provide a uniform front against the little buggers... :)
We did have separate activities, I had exclusivity to Cub Scout events and camping, she had bowling tended to go to amusement parks more often. It gave each of us something special to do with the kids, but not something so big as to be competing with each other.
As far your "personal lives" go... there are some benefits to being single again, once you get used to it.
On nights without the kids, you can go hang out with your friends, or go to the bar, or do hobbies, or whatever you'd like.
You should both date and see other people... You will either discover that you put up with a lot and didn't notice how oppressed you were or you will discover that your spouse was an unrecognized saint and deserving of far more credit than was previously noted. I dated several women while I was separated and discoverd that:
1. I HATE dating
2. I forgot how to drink
3. most single women my age are single for a reason... crazy, evil, crazy & evil, broken, broke, full of spite, or crazy
4. single women a bit younger that are looking to date are affected by the biological clock... they don't want to date, they want to get married and have kids... I already have kids and I really didn't want to start a 3rd batch.
5. single women younger that that really aren't interested in a geezer like me, at least until I pointed out that I had my own car, I was old enough to buy beer, and my mother wasn't home waiting up for me :D
6. that I really did take my wife for granted
Your spouse will determine similar
If I had time, I could tell you some CRAZY, CRAZY girlfriend stories.... I've been told that I have got to write these down before I forget them...
__________________
Quote:
"Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." -- John Quincy Adams
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Pedah mate its not that bad..loland radimus thanks for sharing.
its too soon for me to date. for most of the reasons you already pointed out...lol
Well she has been gone two nights.. saturday we took the beds over so they had to stay there from then on. its monday night as i type this and i have still been there every night!!! i thought we were separating? she seems to want me to come over too often at the moment... always a good excuse.. bring stuff over.. i have to clean the bathroom before i leave..etc... damned if i can figure how i lived before i met her or how i am supposed to live now she has "gone"..lol she seems to think i am totally incompetent . any way i have to finish putting the old bed together so i dont have to sleep on the floor tonight!!! catch you all later and i think i can now come back and annoy you lot again........
__________________
... here are a few of my favorite things.... Hx4700 WM6.1 , AcerAspire One A150 , Canon 30D DSLR . . . .new GF not necessarily in this order.....
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