Bud Pritchard

Microsoft, Borland, and others sell programming languages to computer newcomers by the scads. While professional programmers account for a good portion of software vendors' income, most of the action comes from people who want to learn how to program and see of they like it. Some would-be programmers see the potential to make millions of dollars with that neat-o idea that has been bouncing around in their brains for the last couple of years (ever mindful that some big company may create the same and give it away....nah, never happen!).

Programming takes a special discipline and a logical mind, but it also takes a peculiar personality. The lifestyle of the best programmers seems enviable. No set hours, good income, work always available. But there's that personality aspect to consider. To see if you're cut out for the job, take the Dvorak Programmers Quiz.

First off, let's bypass stuff like whether you like computers and the flexible hours and go into the real meaty questions.

Question 1: Which of the following beverages do you prefer?

(A) Wine, (B) Jack Daniels, (C) Beer, (D) Jolt Cola

Question 2: How would you prefer to spend a leisurely Sunday afternoon?

(A) Watching the Cooking Channel, (B) Going to the zoo, (C) Playing Trivial Pursuit, (D) Testing batteries.

Question 3: What is your favorite scent?

(A) Yves St Laurent Opium, (B) Oscar de la Renta, (C) Old Spice, (D) Pizza

Question 4: What do you like to wear as casual attire?

(A) Sports coat, open shirt, (B) Slacks, Izod shirt, (C) Jeans, sweater, (D) Anything with a T-shirt

Question 5: What is your favorite food?

(A) Tourneodos Henri IV, (B) Coq au vin, (C) Hamburger, (D) Coffee

Question 6: What is your favorite noncomputer magazine?

(A) New York Review of Books, (B) Time, (C) Playboy, (D) Batman

Question 7: What is your favorite scene in a movie of TV show?

(A) Hamlet's soliloquy, (B) James Cagney's "I'm on top of the world, ma!" scene in White Heat., (C) Scene at the end of Dirty Harry when Clint Eastwood says, "You've got to ask yourself 'Do I feel lucky?' Well . . . do you, punk?", (D) Spock's mind meld with a rock creature called the Horta. "The pain, the pain!"

Question 8: Who is your favorite actor?

(A) John Gielgood, (B) Sean Connery, (C) Bruce Willis, (D) Barney Rubble

Question 9: Who is your favorite actress?

(A) Ingrid Bergman, (B) Meryl Streep, (C) Joan Collins, (D) Pamela Anderson

Question 10: What is your all-time favorite movie?

(A) Ben-Hur, (B) A Passage to India, (C) Star Wars, (D) Fritz the Cat

Question 11: How do you think others perceive you?

(A) As a person of taste and intelligence, (B) As an urban professional, (C) As a potential sex symbol if it weren't for your physique, (D) As God's gift to the 20 first century, and rightly so.

Score 10 points for each answer D, 5 points for each C, and no points for any A or B. If you chose A for each question, then you're hopeless if you want to be a programmer. You have some potential as a COBOL programmer if you got 20-60 points. A score of 60-100 means you are headed in the right directions and should seek work in Silicon Valley to help you get your act together. 100 points or more says you have star quality. The sky is the limit. Good luck.

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Been there. Done that. Can't remember.
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