Mmmmmm....
Turn your firewall back on!
Pins are unlikely to be missing, more likely they will be bent or appear to be damaged, so I don't think that's the problem.
In order to sync, you'll need to establish a partnership first and I don't think (someone will correct me if I'm wrong) that you can do that via IR.
I still think that your best option is to
downgrade Activesync to an earlier version. Go to
Windows Mobile and look for an earlier version.
If you have a wireless connection, you can use your home network to connect to the Internet, etc. For that you'll need the network key.